The Beast within the Beauty

Hokori Takusen officially adopted and given her fathers last name as well as Iki was currently avoiding any further talks about going to school. She was wearing a white off the shoulder top exposing on shoulder, long waist lenght and ice blue leather pants, ankle boots, her long white hair had a transparent veil over it. She was sitting on a lovely hand carved wooden bench among the ice blue roses inside of natural maze as it were. Hokori tipped her head looking up at the blue sky.

School, her father was insistant that she go to school, something she had been denied since the moment she was born brought up tone the pet wolf in the back yard but now Neikan was trying to change that.....and Hokori...was terrified of it. The entire world knew she was brought up as an animal they would see her as a stupid 'dog' and she didn't want that. She didn't want to be treated like an animal and so when Neikan tried to talk to her about it this morning after being fed all the way around she shifted and bolted into the garden.....

"They will see me as a stupid animal.....I don't want to go back to being treated like dumb beast....." Hokori whispered to herself.

"Beast, monster, demon, dog...since when did names become weapons against you?" he asked lowly as he jumped down from a tree and moved to stand before her. He had been there for a pretty long time, just listening and watching. He was the guard dog of the castle, so it was what he did.

He tilted his head though, blindfold in place and massive collar hanging down off his neck. Baggy clothes as usual and he snorted and looked at her. "Humans will always see vampires as evil or cruel...not everyone in the world can be satisfied..."

Hokori looked up as Kyoki jumped down and spoke. She looked at him. "But its not a few people its the whole world, everyone in whatever school, in whatever class will see me as a beast.....I...have spent so much time working to show them Hokori Mayokana singer and part of Fatale Beauty.....and that press conference in one afternoon tore it all apart and treated me as some bazzare savage animal. So much so they upset dad." Hokori said shaking her head then looked up at Kyoki she wasn't afraid of him. She knew Iki was but Hokori wasn't her instincts wouldn't let her fear Kyoki.

"I'm not like you. I'm not nearly as brave or strong as you are. They were safe they didn't know anything about me. It was always seeing from a distance but now they'll look at me the same way she did and that terrifies me. I'm not you, I don't have your strength.....if I have to face them and see them looking at me as if I'm nothing more then a stupid beast. If they look at me as if I'm a stupid animal I'll break inside." Hokori said shaking her head as she looked at Kyoki. "You don't seem to be afraid of anything."

Kyoki sighed and shook his head. "It's not hard to piss Neikan off...never was..." he said lowly before he ran a hand through his hair and sat down on the grass.

"And just how the hell do you know what they'll think? You read minds like Rei?" he asked lowly as he looked at her. He snorted though when she said he wasn't afraid of anything. "I'm afraid of a lot actually. I'm just good at not showing it," he said lowly, pausing to sit up and cross his legs. "I'm afraid of humans, other vampires, even Neikan and Rei...and even Kira at times. I fear the things my brothers will have to go through once I die, and I fear the things my children will have to go through in their lives...I fear my past self resurfacing and I fear myself....but none of that can stop me from living and moving forward in life to do the jobs I swore to do..."

Hokori shook her head no when he asked if she could read minds. But she moved and sat down on the grass with him. "No, I can't read minds. But I've seen first hand what happens when the press paints you as a monster or beast everyone seems to happily jump onto the band wagon." She answered him but paused as he said he was afraid of a lot of things he was just really good at not showing it.

Hokori drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around her legs resting her chin on her knees as he spoke of what he feared but not letting his fears stop him from doing what he had sworn himself to do. "You have things you fear?" She said although it was more a conformation of his statement then a question. "How do you find the strength to move past them? Just thinking about going among them now seems to want to cause panic attacks in me right now. I want to curl up in my wolf form and hide.....that form feels more natural.....that's probably what I fear the most. That they'll look at me like I'm nothing more then an animal and beast....and they'll be right. I've spent so much time in that form its what feels safest for me." Hokori said looking down at the grass before her. "That they will say or do something and I'll respond as the wolf inside of me and tear them apart as a wolf would....justifng the press's treatment. Justifying being treated as a beast.....I....don't know if I can balance the wolf in me around so many people."

He held out his hand at her and looked down at it. "Fear is natural, fear is normal and those who don't have it are both cursed and blessed...." he said lowly as he looked up at her. "What makes you strong isn't overcoming fear, its being able to walk proudly with your fear...being strong means to keep from becoming what everyone thinks you will become..." he explained as he closed his fist and opened it again to reveal a blue rose.

"Be fierce yet delicate like a rose on the inside and out an everyone will see you much differently...be as aggressive as a dog, and everyone will kick you like you are one..." he said as he crushed the rose and let the petals fall to the grass and brought his hand up to his collar. before he took his shirt off to reveal the deep scars burned deep in his flesh. "You're the lucky one here...be glad you don't belong to my family..."

Hokori listened to him as he told her to be like a rose. Then fear was natural and strengh meant more or less not running from her fears but walking hand and hand with it. She watched him crush the rose before taking off his shirt. Seeing the scaring he had. She looked at the scars and without thinking reached out to touch one she wasn't frowning but she wasn't curled up into a ball anymore. Hokori looked at them beneath her fingers before looking up at him. "My entire family isn't like that, but the one who called herself our mother was. She scared and beat Ikisatsu in places that for the longest time made simply walking and sitting impossible for her. It was a forbidden method in another country of making being touched sexually extremely painful." Hokori looked at the scaring beneath her fingertips her gaze focused there.

There was no pity in her voice, just understanding to a point. "I was treated as if I were a bad dog, chained with a sharp silver and iron choker out side in the dog house no matter the weather. Beaten if I didn't do as commanded. It went on for years.....many years. Iki was all but shattered by her afraid to be touched but she'd come outside and curl against me. She talked to me so much even reading to me." Hokori sighed softly. "I was torn apart as badly as Iki but unlike her my body heals as rapidly as its injured and pain? I really don't feel it......three hundred years passed like that before something in Midori changed. Iki had gotten up the courage to say she was moving out.....Midori and Hiroshi were there....Hiroshi pinned her down. Until that point I felt so broken and lost but.....Iki started screaming terrible screams like death was in the air....I....lost it as if I was nothing more then a feral beast. Snapped the chain ripping apart my own throat. Racing into the house I found them......they had her pinned down and were attempting to kill her slowly working on slowly crushing her heart having torn her open....."

Hokori looked down at her hand which she finally pulled back. "I had lost it. Iki is the baby second born....I...I utterly destroyed Hiroshi ripping him apart with fang and claw tore out his undead heart and devoured it before turning on Midori. I....I ripped into her Kyoki I tore her apart she got out because her best friends from highschool showed up and got her out of there....before I could rip her wretched heart out too...." Hokori closed her eyes. "I had ripped apart her face everything I could and she got away. I couldn't shift with the collar around my neck I was loosing Iki so I hooked it on something and pulled until it broke....forced the shift I knew was there despite the sudden pain I was feeling and cut deep near my heart making her drink until she healed because I couldn't, let her go. Iki was what had kept me sane. Wanting to keep her safe.....but.....the part of me that is the wolf.....thrilled in the kill Kyoki, would love to rip into something like that again....wants to find Midori and finish what I started.......I'm terrified they'll see me as a beast..,,,because that part if me thrilled in the kill......was excited by it...." Hokori looked down. "I killed our Uncle and nearly killed our mother and I crave finding her and finishing the job.....its what I struggle against loosing to the Wolf and doing as that part if me desires because what I fear the most is once I start I won't be able to stop.....and I loose what's precious to me....because of it."

He put a hand on her head and shook his head. "Let me tell you my story..." he said lowly before he dropped his hand and stood there looking at her. "I was born to a family who beat me, abused me mentally, physically and emotionally until I no longer knew sanity....they trained me to kill, not a second thought just kill...." he moved his hands then, taking off the blindfold to look at her with those crimson eyes of his.

"Once they had trained me, there was nothing that could stop me...I killed and killed...not even my father who created the monster I had become could control me. My brothers were then trained to be my handlers...to control me as best they could...unable to take my life as nothing more than a dog to them, I broke free from this collar around my neck and ran...only years later was I able to return for my brothers...once I did...I killed everyone in my way...father, mother, uncles...cousins...it didn't matter to me. This was the first time the name Head Hunter was used...it would follow me everywhere after...I killed mindlessly and would even antagonize my brother to join me...until I was found by your father and Rei...now I have regained a small amount of sanity and my name...haunts me everyday I live..." Once finished though, he just looked at her for a few more moments before he sat back down, shirtless and exposed to the sunlight.

"I have worked hard to come back from the darkest road in my life...trust me when I say this Hokori, you will do anything to avoid that road...it's dark as hell and nothing good comes of it...nothing but violence and insanity..."

Hokori listened to his story hearing what his past was like. She listened as he spoke about the nightmarish world of his youth. Listened as he spoke of how he first got a nickname that would follow and haunt him to this day. Hokori took a deep breath as he finished telling her about his past before telling her that she would do everything in her power to avoid that fate. She was trying so hard.

"What do I do when they push me? When they challenge me and that part of me wants to tear into them Kyoki? Dad stopped me at the press conference but he won't be there in that building and tiny room with all of them." Hokori  asked as she looked down at her hands then back up at him. "I try to fight it but its like I'm sliding down into this pit and the walls lately are slick." She looked at him. "I don't want to become like that. I don't want to get lost in the thrill of the kill Kyoki and but I can't let go no matter how much I engross myself in other things this burning need to hunt her down and finish what I started.."

Hokori drew herself back up. "And I know what peers in school are like from hearing Iki talk about it. The ones who pick fights the ones who do such things.....I'm still struggling with crushing down that part of me that snapped that day so I don't disappoint Dad, Iki and everyone here......I haven't told Dad that I killed our Uncle..... I haven't told him what I did to Midori.....or that I want to hunt her down and finish it." Hokori sighed. "I know Dad wants me to learn to have what I was denied.....but I don't know if I'll be able to control the beast inside of me. To become the monster they tried to paint me into being....that I struggle to hold onto.....Kyoki how do I keep that under control so it doesn't control me? So it doesn't become all that I am and disapoint dad.....and everyone here. So they don't look at me differently.....or see me the way I see myself?" Hokori asked him looking up into his crimson eyes. So that they didn't see her as the unforgivable beast she saw herself as. "How do I tell Dad why I'm afriad to go.....that I'll loose what precious little control I have while being trapped in a small school room...? Hokori asked lowly sadly.

"When people push me, I will push back. When broken, I seek to break them...I'm vengeful, spiteful and hateful...I'm a cold, cold man Hokori...being like me will only get you kicked while you're down...being warm and inviting will make you a target, but being strong willed and friendly will get you strong friendships. Those friendships are the things that will save you the most...my family, my friends...your father has beat some sense into me countless times...and because of him, I'm still safe and alive...and finally in a good place...I can sleep at night without nightmares or waking up screaming...because of him, I know a peace that I never would have known otherwise...this place is safe, but your parents can't help you with everything...learn to stand on your own two feet, learn to walk and then run...baby steps at first will open doors for you that you never knew existed...you'll never fall in love, have the most important kiss of your life or anything if you don't go out in the world and learn who to trust and who not to...you have to learn the world before you can experience...the first step is high school...take that chance because the gods above know that I never got to..." he explained lowly. It was a sad fact about him that not many knew. For all of his wisdom and talent and strength, his family had never once sent him to school. He had never gotten to socialize...instead, Kyoki had been tossed out into the cold cruelty of the world without an ounce of preparation.

"Letting go is hard...but what you need to realize more than anything, is that you're better off becoming something great instead of a monster...

"I don't have all of the answers...but, I can tell you that becoming a monster is easy...becoming the good guy is the hardest role I've ever had to play in life..." he told her as he looked back at her.

Hokori didn't interrupt him she simply sat there listening beneath the heavy white veil her ears shifted. Because she spent so much time in her wolf form it was something she could not send away. High school was the first step. She had a chance at a life he never had. But it was his words that it was easy to become a monster but it was a much harder path to be the good guy. She shifted until she was sitting on her knees looking at Kyoki. His words bouncing around in her head.

She looked down before looking up, "Strong willed and friendly." Hokori took a deep breathe trying to figure out if she could be that girl and then looked up at Kyoki. He didn't have that chance. But...."Thank you Kyoki. I don't know if I won't loose it and hurt someone, but.....I will go. Nothing will change if I don't right? I.....won't know if I can move forward if I hold still.....but.....I still have to tell dad what I've done." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "I.....don't know if I won't end up becoming that monster in the end.....but....I won't run and hide, and I won't just allow myself to become one either. " she said looking at him then smiled and nodded. "If I was a lost cause you wouldn't be out here talking to me about doing the right thing and going to school right?"

He smiled at her. It was an odd sight to see him smile, but it was true that he had finally found a good place mentally and emotionally to be. "I only talk to those worth saving..." he told her as he looked at her. "When you tell Neikan, I don't think he'll be upset...especially when you tell him why. Instead, I think he'll be proud of you for protecting your sister..." he told her before he put the blindfold back on. His eyes were hurting now, but it was a price he was willing to pay to help a young pup who was in an odd place.

"I imagine...that when you go to school, you'll meet some interesting people...and just maybe, you'll make friends out of them..." he mused lowly as he smiled. He knew for sure that even if they didn't intend to, Yanki would become friends with her.

Hokori nodded and took a deep shifting to stand. "Thank you again Kyoki. I'm feeling better but now I have to find Dad. I have to tell him that I'm willing to go....and I have to tell him about it all of it." She said softly looking down at the grass a moment before standing up. "I kinda ran out on him this morning he's let me be....but now my head is clearer. I'm still afraid but I won't run from that fear anymore," she said looking at Kyoki.

"Friends.....Ikisatsu has an easier time with that then me....she usually makes them I just end up tagging along." She had no idea she'd be meeting some interesting people. Hokori paused thinking back to his comment about being a rose. She looked at the roses a moment longer before looking at Kyoki. "You are strong Kyoki....talking to you....feels like I'm talking to family trusted family that I can count on....that understands better what I'm feeling inside then I do."

Hokori looked at the roses. "I'm going to go find Dad now. I have to apologize for running away from him that had to bother him when I think about it now.....and tell him as I did you why I ran what I'm afraid of....but that I won't run from going to High school. I'll go.....I'll face my fears and go." Hokori said looking at Kyoki standing up brushing off her clothes to go find him.

He chuckled lowly as he moved to sit on the bench now, putting his shirt on while she began to walk away. "I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am...I'm just good at being myself..." he told her as he sat there.

"I'd be careful if I were you...Neikan can be hard to understand at times..."

Hokori paused looking back over her shoulder at him. "Just good at being yourself......but that's why to me your strong."she answered as she paused until he spoke about Neikan being hard to understand at times she nodded.

Hokori walked off heading back into the castle and she paused in the hall only a moment before she moved leaving behind nothing but rose petals in her wake. In the end she paused before the door to her dad's room. Hokori stood there a moment before knocking and entering. "Dad.....I....can we talk?" Hokori asked as looked at him. Wanting to tell him the truth of why she ran, why she has been afraid. "I....have to tell you honestly....why I reacted the way I did...Why....I'm so afraid of being in a small room with so many people...." Hokori said lowly standing just inside the door looking at Neikan but she was so nervous she was digging her own palm slowly open would he even want to talk to her right now?

He turned after a few minutes, to look at her. Puffy, red eyes with such a defeated look stared back at her now. "What is it?" he asked as he turned his head back away from her. He had been crying, how pathetic was he?

He sat on the edge of the bed, things in his room broken and holes in his wall. Everything looked terrible. His voice was hoarse and he looked terrible. Now he had to face Hokori after he had acted like such a child once she had walked off.

Hokori flinched when he looked at her and then away. She closed the door and walked into the room coming to a stop near him. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm...I'm afraid of the wolf inside of me....I...am afriad of what I would do if I was cornered in a small room like that...." She said lowly as she sat down at the foot of the bed. She took a deep breath. "You know the damage She did to Iki, she scaring that made her fear ever being touched? It also kept her so submissive for so long. I was beaten and kept outside like a bad dog.....after three hundred years something happened and Iki got up the courage to leave Midori.....only Midori wouldn't have it. She was there with Hiroshi. They started beating her again I pulled against the spiked iron and silver chocker that kept me locked in the form of a wolf...." Hokori looked at her hands. "But her screams became different more shrill.....they were killing her.....they were killing my baby sister and something in me snapped I broke the chain. I rushed in and stopped Hiroshi from crushing her heart and ripping it out....I stopped him by tearing him apart with fang and claw devouring his undead heart.....I turned against Midori I nearly did the same thing to her except her friends from school saved her. I tore at the collar hooking it on something and breaking it....I gave her the blood closest to my heart to save her."

Hokori got quiet as she stood up and walked to a hole touching the edge. "But....the hardest part? That part that snapped....still wants to find Midori and finish it. That part of me thrilled in the kill. And I'm afraid of what would happen if I'm cornered in class so confined would I loose to that monster inside of me that desires the kill?" Hokori turned and leaned against the wall. "I know why you want me to go....I know you want to give me what she denied me....and I'm afraid of disappointing you and being nothing more then a stupid beast.....but...." Hokori looked at Neikan. "I won't run from my fears....I'll go to high school.....I'm sorry I didn't tell you this morning I was afraid of loosing something precious to me......of loosing you and Iki....and I just got my father......if I lost to the wolf inside I....was....." Here she paused....if she lost to the wolf that she'd loose her fathers love when she just got it....just finally got a family.