Dancing in the Darkness

He stood in the garden sighing as he looked at the icy blue roses. Lately it seemed he enjoyed eating his hip, skipping his foot ankle or anything like that and going straight for his hip. No matter how hard he tried he came out cold and hateful. 

Reaching up he placed his hand over his chest touching the odd icy spot there even for a vampire but as a Crusnik like Kira he had an unnatural warmth to him everywhere but there......for two reasons. The first he had a blade of cold iron pierce his heart in his first life as Saigo which broke off and made it hard for him to be reborn. Then there was the void in his soul were he ripped the warmth of his soul out and used it to save and anchor Thanh's soul....he remembered doing it or rather knew the choice he had made as Soren.

That was not the reason he was standing out here now. Looking at these roses...,the more someone meant to him the colder and crueler he was. He was an absolute Asshole to those who meant the most. It was amazing Akumu put up with his temoermental ass.......no...,,if he was honest the one he was absolutely mean hateful and vicious to was Neikan.......the closer he desired to be.....the more he seemed to attack him.......the small remaining flickers of warmth made him desire and love but he lacked the warmth to be able to express it right......

"Dam it all Neikan...." Saigo breathed thinking he was alone out here in the garden......he was certain that Neikan would be the last to want to willing around him...,he who tore so hatefully into him.....

"You rang?" he asked coldly as he leaned against the door frame that lead into the garden.

He knew that his little brother loved him, knew it all too well. However, he was rather sensitive these days. Say the wrong thing and he felt betrayed, hurt and would push you away. "I don't know what it is I'm supposed to have done this time, but don't just go yelling at an invisible me...people will start to think you've lost it...."

Saigo said nothing for a moment or two before turning around and looked at him. This one....."Nothing." He answered to the I don't know I've done this time honestly nothing. Saigo looked at him narrowing his eyes he opened his mouth as if to say something to lash into him and verbally tear him apart before falling silent. Lately he kept being told that he had to mind himself as King one of the five. 

Saigo closed his eyes. "I don't give a damn what others think....." He said lowly as he closed his hand his nails digging into his palm painfully deep ripping his own palm open before opening his hand and looking at the blood pooling in the crescent moons there. "There are precious few whose oppions mean anything to me." He said his own voice cold flat hateful and angry....,..but it wasn't Neikan he was angry at. It was himself. Saigo looked back at Neikan regarding him quietly. "Fuck me....." He said turning his back to Neikan to look at the roses again speaking lowly. "Dam.....it....even now I can't ....say a damn thing unhurtful...." He wasn't exactly aiming that at Neikan but rather himself even if he wanted to say sorry it failed him those words would not fall past his lips if course Saigo usually beat himself verbally like this without thinking about the fact Neikan was right there. At times he found himself frustrated with being the embodiment of anger and hate......

Sighing, Neikan closed his eyes. By now, he had grown used to the verbal abuse he suffered at the hands of his little brother. Opening his eyes though, he closed the distance btween them and took hold of Saigo's wirst and turned him to face Neikan. "Fine. Let me put it this way then. I don't want others thinking you've lost it because you, Saigo Takusen, mean the world to me and I'd hate to see them turn against you...." he said, narrowing his eyes and his voice cold even as he said the most meaningful words in the world.

He glared down at him, even in all of his coldness, Saigo had said something meaningful. He said that very few people's opinions mattered to him which implied that Neikan's opinion did matter. His gaze softened then and he smiled that smile of his. "Not everything you just spewed at me was hurtful...the one in the middle was rather nice in comparison...it told me that you actually care about my opinion..."

Saigo looked at him as he was turned to face him and Neikan spoke. Saigo actually rose an eyebrow looking at him as if he had grown two heads when he said that part in the middle meant something to him. Saigo sighed. "I'm fucking death incarnate there oppions mean jack shit." He said sourly but didn't pull away. All of Neikan's powers meant nothing to Saigo, all of his enchanting allure, charm all of it had absolutely no effect on him....."What are you fucking stupid?" He asked bitterly. "Your oppion has always fucking mattered to me you ass...." He said crossly and there he went again cruel spiteful words. But if he tried to be nice the words rang false empty....if he wasn't being mean and insulting.

"Why else do you think you Neikan are a pain in my fucking ass?" Saigo said glaring up at him and speaking in an angry huff.....of course Neikan couldn't read or control Saigo's emotions unless his powers Saigo's that is turned in on him shutting him down...,,but that was neither here Nor there. "Of course you damn oppion means the fucking most to me you ass....I'm....in love with you asshole always have been so of course your oppion carries the most fucking weight for me...." He almost shouted at him angerly......why was it so hard.....to even now say something even remotely neutral even now it sounded more like he hated Neikan....he didn't.....he really didn't hate his elder brother at all. In fact....he honestly loved Neikan the same way his twin loved Rei.....but because of that....Neikan suffered the worst verbal abuse from him of all.....

Smiling, he leaned in and shut Saigo up, stopped any further hateful spiteful words from falling forth from his lips as Neikan kissed him before he pulled away and just smiled at him. He loved abuse, loved being called hateful, spiteful things. In truth, as sensitive emotionally as he could be, the abuse was just as alluring as physical abuse for him. Even now, he wanted to be chained down and verbally and physically assaulted by this one silver haired vampire.

"After a century of hateful, hurtful abusive words, I was starting to wonder if my beloved Zero still gave a damn at all...it's nice to have it reaffirmed every once in a while...even if you have to yell at me to say it...I will get you to say it..."

He let out a 'mmmph' when he was silenced with a kiss. Any further angry spiteful words not being uttered as Neikan chose that moment to seal his mouth shut with a kiss. Saigo stood there a moment eyes closed as the kiss broke but his lips curved up into a cruel playful smile as he opened his eyes to look at him, looking into Neikan's mismatched eyes. "Asshole...." he retorted.

"You know damn well warm mushy shit isn't something I spew out." He said narrowing his eyes but he reached up his free hand and traced the side of Neikan's face he didn't dig them in yet but the pressure of Saigo's claws was there scratching at the surface he didn't waste his time with 'gentle' gestures they meant little to Neikan, and unlike Kira's worries he wasn't worried about the duality of his gender. Neikan wanted him it didn't matter and Saigo knew it. "You shit...,as if my feelings for this crazy asshole before me would change. There's no one else in this fucking world like you Neikan....and just so you know I don't praise just anyone.....shit...." He said shaking his head and sighing before tangling his fingers harshly in Neikan's hair pulling him down to kiss him against. Roughly passionate before breaking the kiss...."Damn't you fucking pain In my ass does that make it fucking clear enough for you?"